The split mind

First it was confusion
Then came something that felt like betrayal.
When I love, I give you words.
You've stepped on all this and the words became mere alphabets
You tore my hope and faith that was built up in the middle of your chest
I become a silent mess inside without you even knowing
The worst part is you don't know how far I've come
I cannot tell you or we'll both get so bruised
And history repeats itself.

Perhaps it was all about the Butterfly on the 23rd.
Of courage and faith.
All I need to do is believe, simply.

The endless entity

When words begin to flow steadily
The sound of air rustling leaves
Strangers of black and grey give you a fleeting glance
You hear someone calling their child in the distance
A song plays in your mind and you gently hum along
The parts you forgot
You let the wind take them away
A race with your own footsteps
A silent conversation with your slight shadow
A person insidiously poking through your array of thoughts
Shuddering at the boldness and audacity of the contents
Of coloured memories buried deep but never forgotten
Of the secret your lips told
Or the wish to do so but never quite did
The precarious imbalance within
Even the winter birds felt and sympathized with
They knew it was of endless entity.

I drown.

And all the gunshots come pouring down

There was the elderly couple who rummaged in bins
The pink tracksuit lady with her poodle
The gay dude in summer shorts and aviator sunnies
And like a massive wave of neurons firing in
I was shivering from the thought of possible victory
Couldn't control my quivering lips
The thin line between success and failure
Between yes and no
Between you and I
And in the far distance was a blurred horizon
Unseen to all in their foolish daydreams
I want nothing but to draw closer
And see the black and white that separates our superficial veils.

It comes with the night

I dream of falling into your wide embrace
I dream of burying my nose into your chest
I dream of you and I and nothing else
I dream of us in a place where it doesn't matter when things doesn't meet expectations
I dream of us smiling when everyone and everything else fails us
I dream of myself clinging frantically onto you in all the worldly misery
I dream of you making me feel loved and safe and wanted
I dream of you with my eyes wide open.

Something new, maybe

I am so stubborn all this while, so adamant at denying what my true feelings can blossom into. Maybe it is easily possible, to forget about what happened and what didn't, to let go of something that has already moved past me. Maybe this new introduction would be so much better than what I experienced, so much better than what I think it could offer. Am I ready to open myself up to this? Should I? You tell me, cus I am halfway to amazement. What that means in this context, even I myself am not sure.

I miss you.

You were damn right. I think I like you as much as you liked me, maybe even more so now.

Please get the hell out of my thoughts.

Thank You

Dear Friend,

Hello. It's been awhile since I had a heart-to-heart talk with you. I've been unconsciously missing those lovely times. Therefore it was a a huge relief that I was able to lay down the burden that has been oppressing me these few days. No one could fathom how sad and down I was. No one could see that behind the blaring earphones was a deaf monotone that only I could hear.

Thank you, therefore, for speaking out. For making the first move that eventually pulled me out of this confusing pit of self-pity and all the petty worldly issues. I hope the story doesn't turn round on itself. Because I treasure you and will not want you to experience the same thing as I did. Forget your burden as well and anything that upsets you, I am here and always, always will be. I will be your floating raft in the thunderstorm, I will be your friend in all the misery. All you need to do is speak out.

Once again, thank you.

With all my love,
Your faithful listener.

The things I see before I fall asleep

Charred lights from the street lamps

Creeping in through the curtains

Forming broken shadows on the barren walls

Dancing fingers in a riot

What I saw in the dark became darkness itself

Messing up my lovely bedtime thoughts.

Happiness is a choice